Valentines and Whatnot

Last Valentines Day I vividly remember watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my brother and sister. I drank a bottle of red wine and we ate a ton of Macaroni Grill. I dont participate in a lot of activities with just my siblings, but this was a great moment for us. I remember it so well because I had just broken up with a guy who I had previously thought was the love of my life. It was horrible, and it turned my entire world upside down. Yet I rememeber looking at my family and being so relived that I still had a little army of people that would fight for me forever.

These days, life is bizarre. Im on a health cleanse with my roomie Justin, and we are taking this stuff SERIOUSLY. Ive continued with running 3 miles a day, preceeded by half an hour of yoga. Im only eating protein, vegetables and eggs. No sugar, no dairy, no caffeine, no booze, no cigarettes, no bread and sadly, no beer. But I can seriously feel a change in my body, and its really nice to get out of the routine that goes along with drinking in houston in your 20s. "Do I want to go to Washington?" "Have a drink at lizzards?" NO THANK YOU. Do I want to give up a beatiful morning and afternoon to an upset stomach, uncontrollable food eating, and the guilties? "NAH im solid,but thanks for asking, yo."

I did however, fall off the wagon last night, briefly, and I wanted to write about it before I start my yoga and run routine. Its funny, for the most part.

I was sitting at the bar waiting for a guy to pull his tonge out of his girlfriend's mouth, pay his check, and leave the otherwise completely empty restaurant. This took about an hour, and I finally went insane. This guy came in around 10pm and sat in a booth at the bar. I was happy to take another table, ready to make some money and go home. He orders 2 margs and a flight of tequila, SOLID! These guys are gonna be the best! About 30 seconds after I put down the menus, they are spotted by 2 friends who decide come over and sit down for a drink. "So if yall close at 11pm weve got about another hour before the kitchen is closed, right?".

This is the worst thing that can possibly happen, in the eyes of a waiter. This is when time stops for these people and you just have to sit and wait for them to catch on

So their friends sitwith them and they all have cocktails for another half an hour. Oh and the guy who decided to stop by for drink is RUDE, and he knows it. I ask if anyone wants another drink, and get no response. Finally, at 10:40, I stand in front of the table and do not leave. I finally get their order. The kitchen wanted to crucify me, but since im the cute gringa, they let it slide. So, they decide they just want one order of fajitas- Im obviously not serving the 4 course valentines day meal to these two.

So, they eat, thier friends leave, and I drop the check. Time stops again. We have 2 couples in the bar, these yahoos and another duo. Everyone is making out. Its a sight to see. The bartenders and I are talking in spanish, but mostly just saying "Que la verga" and talking about "la pistola" and laughing. I wait and wait and wait. The couple at the bar leaves, along with another bartender and a waitress. I sit, watch the olympics on tv, and watch my horny little couple make out. The check remains on the table, unopened, for quite some time.

I mean, quitting smoking cigarettes and booze- I can handle- except for when I have to deal with idiots like this. The guy looks up and asks me, "Are we holding you up here?" Nah buddy, the busboy vacuums the restaurant during regular restaurant hours all the time. "We technically closed about an hour ago but please take your time" is all that I can manage to say wtih a smile on my face. The valet guy, Jose, comes into the restaurant and gives the guy his car key. Even the valet has no time for this bullshit. I think this fool is finally getting the picture. He pulls out his wallet, I decide that a shot of tequila is exactly what I need. Mannie, my FAVORITE coworker sits with me while I take a shot. Mannie says "he left you cash- go get it"

Mr IM THE GUY hands me the check carrier and asks me if "we were cool". I looked at the cash and he had left me $120 on $108. Thats 12 dollar tip. So I said "if you want to leave me 10 bucks then i guess we are cool". He responded "ok that is 10 percent so.... heres 20, can i get 10 back", which I gladly pulled out of my cash stash and gave to him. "Thanks so much! Happy valentines day!" I say in my happiest lttle waitress voice.

THEN the guy had the nerve to come up to me and say "I waited tables for many years and Im the guy I used to hate". This guy was young, attractive and had a cute foreign girlfriend named Francesca, but I wasnt going to play this game and compliment him after he literally wasted an hour of my life. So I just smiled.

I smiled at him and didnt say anything, and kept SOLID eye contct. "Smile with your eyes!!", as Tyra would say. He just stared back at me, waiting for me to say SOMETHING, but I held my ground.

He wanted affirmation that he was not a complete douchebag, but he was not gonna get it from me. HELLO, THATS WHAT FRANCESCA IS FOR!! He got akward and said "Have a great night", I said "you too! thanks so much for coming in". As soon as he walked away my buddy Mannie said, "SHIT! Where do you think he worked? Burgerking?". Haha I can guarantee you that ANYONE who used to wait tables would never try to leave 10% for perfect service- if you are the last table at a restaurant, leave 20%, minimum. Theres a pretty good chance that there are quite a few people waiting for you to get up so that they can continue with another hour or so of work.

Generally- people on valentines day are GREAT tippers, because of course, they are about to go home and make sweet lovin. Its one of the few times that 15 percent-ers will bump it up to 20%. Needless to say, after dealing with MR IM THE GUY and his silly little Francesca, I needed a shot of tequila. Okay 2.

Happy Valentines Day- en serio. I love LOVE, I love happiness. I love all of my friends, and my tiny army of siblings, Tom & Chaille- everyone. To be honest, I cant stop thinking about the fact that the HOUSTON LIVESTOCK SHOW AND RODEO is right around the corner, and Ive got 4 tickets to see Tim McGraw. Its about to be the best time of the year. More on that later, I already have a few things scribbled down about why the rodeo is the best thing about living in Houston, Texas. Ill be in Houston at least for another month and a half, and then OFF FOR ANOTHER BOLD ADVENTURE.

YEEHAW 2010